Guest blog by Brittany Hefetz
Who is The GoodNight Nurse?
Hi everyone! I’m Brittany, a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a family nurse practitioner specializing in pulmonary and sleep medicine. My passion is helping families sleep better at night, allowing them to continue growing and thriving. I believe everyone is happier and in a better headspace when they get adequate sleep. Before becoming certified as a sleep consultant, I helped nearly every family I know get the rest they needed to enjoy parenthood. It never gets old when a client texts me and tells me their child slept through the night, sometimes for the first time!
Danielle contacted me to get some sleep support for her 5.5-year-old daughter, Em. Believe it or not, older children needing assistance at bedtime is something I hear frequently. Em had trouble falling asleep at night without coming out of her room multiple times. She was also waking up in the middle of the night requesting support to help her fall back to sleep. When Danielle and I talked, I knew Em needed the support and confidence to be able to go to sleep independently and fall back to sleep at night! We discussed multiple strategies to help along with 2 weeks of on-demand support from me through text messages. I am excited to report that within a few days, Em is already falling asleep independently and staying in her bed the ENTIRE night! (Most nights), I reinforced to Danielle (and what I tell all of my clients) that consistency and persistence work! I am so proud of both of them for what they can accomplish.
Why did I become interested in baby/children’s sleep?
I am a mother to Noah (5.5) and Talia (2.5) I was the first of my close friends to have a baby. I had NO idea what I was doing. As a newborn, my son never slept. Although everyone kept saying “It will get better!”, after 2-3 months of being up every 1-2 hours each night, it was not getting any better. I asked our pediatrician what to do and his response horrified me. “Let him cry a little”. I was in my head thinking this guy is nuts if he thinks I am going to let my sweet innocent baby “cry a little”! After researching, I realized it is safe for my baby’s development and is effective. One night, when he was developmentally ready, I sleep-trained my son, and I never looked back. This was life-changing for us. With everyone well-rested, I could enjoy the journey of motherhood. Fast forward three years later and I had my daughter. I applied the same strategy and we now have two thriving children who sleep through the night!
Anxiety around sleep training
I completely understand the anxiety around sleep training. I lived it myself with both of my kids. If you’re contemplating sleep training, you likely have a lot of the same thoughts I did running through your head:
- “Am I doing the right thing?”
- “Is my child going to suffer anxiety throughout their life because I let them cry?”;
- “They are only this little once, I should just suck it up and do what they need to get them to sleep”.
My rebuttal to these thoughts:
- Yes, you are doing the right thing. For your baby to grow and thrive they need to get adequate sleep at night. Sleeping is when their little brains develop so they can continue to learn new skills
- No, your child will not suffer anxiety because of sleep training. All of the research shows that sleep training is 100% safe for your child’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being
- These thoughts stem from the mom guilt that creeps through everyone’s mind! As moms, we feel like we are supposed to suffer to meet the needs of our children. It does not need to be this way! You are allowed to get the rest your body needs to be a more well-rested, patient, and present parent during the day.
Sleep Training, Crying, and Controversy
Sleep training is one of the most polarizing parental topics on the internet. Just the phrase “cry it out” can make some people spiral. No shame at all for the families who choose to parent in their particular way, but there should be no shame or hate for those families who lean into options for better sleep for the whole family. The term “cry it out” is very triggering for some people. I like to look at it from a different perspective. When you are sleep training there will be some crying. I cannot tell you how much or how little. The important aspect to remember is that just because your baby is crying, does not mean they are in distress. It means they are communicating that they do not like this new arrangement where they are not being rocked, fed, or nursed to sleep like they previously were. Crying does not mean we are abandoning them or not meeting their needs. We are teaching them a skill! If your child cried while trying to learn to ride a bike, does that mean you would not teach them? No! If they are struggling to learn to read, would you tell them not to worry about it, reading is not important. No! You would parent them and guide them through learning this skill. When we allow our babies to cry while sleep training, we tune in to their needs. We are not tuning out!
When I ask someone why they are so against crying it out, they can never give me an answer that makes me question what I do. For those families uncomfortable with crying, I have scalable approaches to meet families where they are. Some methods take longer than others, but that is okay! I love to meet families where they are. From the bottom of my heart, sleep training benefits the emotional, physical, and mental health of all the families that do it.
As moms, let’s let go of the mom-shaming and pick up on the support! We all have the best intentions and need to remember that each parent does what he/she feels is best for his/her family.
What does a sleep consultant do and why should you hire one?
As a sleep consultant, I give families the tools they need to allow them to support good sleep hygiene habits for their baby, toddler, or older child. I ask my clients to fill out an intake form and I create customized sleep plans based on information provided by each client, based on their goals for their family’s sleep. I strictly adhere to all American Academy of Pediatrics safe sleep guidelines. Can families Google some sleep training methods? Absolutely! However, the support that a sleep consultant provides during this time is valuable. I’ve had multiple families tell me that they could not have done it without my support. (Danielle told me that my text messages held her accountable and that my video messages to Em made her happy!) I truly believe that some families need third-party support to navigate this process successfully.
Contact Me
Please contact me if you have questions or need support to sleep train your baby/toddler/preschooler. I would be so honored to help you!
My email is: BrittanyHefetz@goodnightnursebh.com
My Instagram handle is @TheGoodNight_Nurse
My website is located here, too.
Good luck to everyone on their parenting journey!
-Brittany
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