KiKi

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KiKi after her first bath ever

I had a slice of American cheese in my hand. I was laying prone down my foyer stairs trying to coax KiKi, my Akita/Belgian Malinois foster dog up the stairs.

The owner of the rescue came to my house with her Suburban full of dogs. She wanted to make sure that whichever dog she gave me got along with my dog, Bailey. When I met KiKi, she pressed herself up against the crate, indicating she was scared and not wanting to leave her safety zone. I turned to the rescue owner and said “You get her out! I’m not! She’s going to bite my face off!” With lots of coaxing, a calm voice, treats, and gentile manhandling, KiKi was free from the confines of the crate and on a leash. We took a quick walk to make sure her and Bailey were friendly enough to be off leash in the backyard. Bailey ambushed her, but KiKi looked to Bailey as a big sister, showing her the ropes of our palace.

KiKi was a dog from the South. I knew nothing of her background, so I formulated a story in my head. KiKi was an outside dog, she was never inside a home because she didn’t know how to go up and down stairs. A toy was a foreign object, one that peaked her interest, but she would approach cautiously, unsure of the toy’s intentions. She didn’t trust humans, either. Whoever had her, was a prick. She wanted nothing more to be outside. That is no life for a dog. Bailey, Ace, and Jack (my furfamily) are treated better than some humans. I love them more than myself.

The first night with KiKi was one for the books. We live in a bi-level, so stairs are a necessary evil. There is 7 steps to the front door. Once inside, you can either take 7 steps upstairs or 5 steps downstairs. KiKi entered through the downstairs entrance, and that is where she remained. She was not going anywhere near the stairs. She went outside and inside through the downstairs entrance only. I thought to myself, “How can I turn this outside dog into an inside dog?” She wasn’t fond of the crate (again, outside dog mentality), so I laid a warm red blanket down for her on the floor. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink water, and would just stare at me, as if to say, “What am I doing here?” I was heartbroken. She looked so sad. She wanted nothing that I had to offer. I slept with her on the red blanket. I just felt like she needed someone on her side, to know that I was there, with her food and water, and that we were going to get things right. She was in my care, and I was going to protect her and get her adopted to a good home.

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KiKi & Bailey, the Queens of the Castle

One of the most challenging things I had to do was teach KiKi to go up and down the stairs. Not only did we have to master the inside stairs, but we had to master both sets of outside stairs. I think I learn something new every time I have a foster dog that can’t do something. I tried putting Pupperonis on each step. No cigar. She would just eat the treats on the first two steps and then run away. I tried having Bailey be the example. “See! Look. Bailey! Come.” Bailey would run up the stairs and I would give her a pet and a treat. KiKi would whimper in disgust and aggravation. I tried placing her gently on the steps, in which she would shake, and it no longer became a positive, happy experience. So, I laid prone on the steps with cheese in hand, and Bailey next to me for moral support. Nope. She wouldn’t budge. I got Jason to lay prone and hold cheese, and I guided her legs up the stairs. Finally, she did it. And we practiced, and practiced, and practiced some more. Two hours later and we had KiKi running up and down the stairs. Positive reinforcement. Success. It took another day to teach her how to go up and down the outside steps. Baby steps.

KiKi had an application for adoption. The man walked many miles each day and wanted a dog to walk well with his dog. KiKi, thankfully, was amazing on a leash. After almost six days with me, she was a new dog. She pranced. She slapped her paws against the ground, happy to be alive. She saw me get the leash out of the closet and would run down the stairs by the door. I loved taking her on walks because we were both in our happy place; me, getting my exercise outdoors, and her prancing down the street, sassy as ever.

I don’t know the rest of KiKi’s story. Some of the adopters and I keep in touch through text messaging or social media facets, but KiKi’s life is a mystery. Last I heard, her family loved her, and that she was walking miles each day, happily, with her canine sibling.

Whether it takes me two hours guiding a foster dog up the stairs to get her to the American cheese prize or sleeping on a blanket on the floor, I will do anything to make these dogs feel safe, happy, and alive. I get unconditional love, and gratitude for life, and they get the skills they need to become an adoptable, well behaved canine companion. Happy trails, KiKi. Win-win for all.

Namaste.

2017

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I wish everyone a happy & healthy 2017.

My thoughts for this year: Open your mind. Embrace change. 2017 is a clean slate. Today is Day 1 of 365. Be productive. Adopt a dog. Volunteer your time. Donate your pennies, or millions. Take a chance. Fear is a useless emotion. Believe in yourself, and humanity. It will be okay. Read something interesting and write something powerful. Share your story. People want to hear you. Support an organization that challenges and fulfills you. Don’t stop believing in yourself. Laugh until your belly hurts. Smile. Get outside. Enjoy the fresh air. Take a deep breath. Life is good.

Realm of Vibes has a new page, Collaborate, to feature businesses, companies, and brands. Check it out. I am ecstatic that within three weeks of starting my blog, I have the support of a small business owner. Her products will be featured in the near future.

When I started blogging, a gentleman e-mailed me and told me to keep at it, to never quit, and that I can do anything I put my mind to… he told me to stay positive, be happy, and live free. I re-read that email daily. Words are powerful.

Thank you for supporting Realm of Vibes. My dream has become a reality.

Namaste.

So, when are you going to have kids?

 

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“So, when are you going to have kids?”

“I don’t know. When are you going to lose weight?”

I’ve never said that, but I’ve wanted to…

Let’s try that again…

“So, when are you going to have kids?”

“I have furkids. A dog, sometimes a foster dog, and two cats.”

That’s more like my response.

On April 10, I will turn 30. On April 11, we will have been married for 3 years.

I have a dog, Bailey, a foster dog, and two cats, Jack and Ace. Right now, they are my furchildren. When people ask me when I am going to have human children, I answer their question depending on my mood.

I fluctuate between wanting to be a mother and wanting to remain childless. I look at my life now, bound only by my husband and animals. My mother, mother-in-law, or pet sitter could watch Bailey on short notice. My aunt loves cat-sitting. My husband can fend for himself if I go away with friends for a weekend. A child, however, needs more than a daily walk, litter box change, and food in a bowl. The career and Master’s degree I worked so hard for (and am still paying off) would put on pause to stay home and raise a child. I’m not one for day care; why bother since the cost wouldn’t even be worth me going to work. I never pictured myself jobless and financially dependent on my husband. I like to earn my own money and support myself. I can’t imagine being in my house all day, tending to a child and animals, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. I would go stir-crazy. No way. I’m already crazy. Then, I think about holding my baby in my arms, watching he or she grow and develop, and giving my parents and in-laws grandchildren. I think about the sleepless nights and poopy diapers, but the smiles, laughter, and endless amount of love might surpass rearranging my life and becoming a real housewife. I think parents call it unconditional love. Every morning I see a woman with a double stroller and her two dogs, jogging, and I think to myself, She is an awesome mom. She looks amazingly fit. She has 2 dogs and 2 kids. I can be her.

I look at the moms that I work with, and most of them seem overworked and overwhelmed. They are always on the phone in the closet or bathroom talking to the guidance counselor about Shawn’s D in geometry class or Kelly’s F in gym class. Some of them watch their nanny cams intently during their lunch break. I hear about day care nightmares and how little Abby is sick, once again. They sometimes share achievements and other developmental milestones, but most the time it focuses around what they must do (homework, doctor’s appointments, activities etc.), as if it were an inconvenience. When I mention how miserable they sound, usually they go into some story about how hard being a mother is, but how they love it and wouldn’t change it for the world. Having a kid sounds like a mixed bag.

I look at the adults without children and they seem happy, and content with not having children, but I always get a sense of worry when future planning is discussed. “Who is going to take care of me? I’m going to wind up in a nursing home.”  The childless adults are the people that I see have less wrinkles, more free time, take several extravagant vacations, have the most amazing gadgets, and are current on the latest trends. They seem a lot more relaxed but I sometimes see sadness and apprehension about the future.

My opinions on having children fluctuates day to day.  I have contemplated having none, being one-and-done and having two+ kids. Twins run in my family and sometimes I pray to God to give me a boy and girl, the ultimate two for one deal.

When asked: “When are you going to have kids?” these questions run through my head: What if I can’t get pregnant? What if we have problems? Why do people ask me this stupid, personal, invasive question? I don’t want to do IVF. Maybe we should start trying. Maybe we should wait until next year. What do I really want? I don’t know what I want. Maybe, I’m just not ready. Will I ever be ready? Shouldn’t I want to have a kid? I am a woman! I have a time clock. I don’t want to be an old mom. I’ll be happy, no matter what, right? And the chatter continues…

Take that question and remove it from your repertoire. If you can help it, let the undecided woman be. Let her decide in her own time and her own way what is right for her.

Whatever is meant to be, will happen. Whether I have none, one, two, twins, or three+, life will continue.

“So, when are you going to have kids?”

“Maybe tonight, maybe next week, maybe next month, maybe next year, maybe never.”

Namaste.

Play Dead

“He should be in the ASPCA commercial, he would bring in all the donations!”

“Your cats are friendlier than your foster dog!”

20161225_150419“Can I adopt your dog? She’s great!”

I have never witnessed anything like it in my life.

I told the potential adopter that Heath, my 10-month-old black lab mix, was shy and scared. I told him that he has irritated skin, probably from stress, and comes with an antibiotic and a medicated shampoo. I was honest and upfront about all of Heath’s qualities. He needs work. As do most people in the world (hello, blogging & wine).

His background, I don’t know and can’t even imagine. When I get a foster in his state (scared, submissive, untrusting), I formulate stories in my head. My story of Heath was that he was rescued down South, spent most of his time in a crate and away from people, and that his interactions with people were limited or not pleasant. He knows what a ball is, and plays appropriately with toys, so that leads me to believe he had some interaction… but he cowers when I pet his head, and he still waits to see how I interact with Bailey before he comes and approaches me. It took me 40 minutes to lure him out of the crate the first night he arrived, but now, his hiding spot is underneath the kitchen table. He comes out from hiding on his terms in his time. Baby steps.

The potential adopter sent me a text message saying that he would arrive in 5 minutes, in which I began to give Heath a long pep-talk. It went like this: “You got this buddy. You want to go home for Christmas. You can do it. These are nice people, good people, and they are going to love you, and you are going to love them. You need to put on a good show. Now is your chance, Heath. I will be right here with you. ”

The potential adopter and his family came into my living room. Heath army crawled around on the couch and then he ran and hid underneath my kitchen table. I retrieved him from under the table and I tried placing him in the potential adopter’s lap. No cigar. Heath wanted off and out, now. I tried encouraging Bailey to play with him. I tried to get him to play with a toy. I tried to give him treats. I tried bringing the cats around so he could chase them. Something. Anything. I think I burned holes through my sweatshirt running around trying to figure out how to get him to do SOMETHING other than be scared and sad.

Then, Heath actually did something. He rolled on his back and exposed his white chest, put his front paws in the air, closed his eyes, and played dead. He couldn’t handle the meet and greet. He wanted our eyes off of him. He gave me the something I so desperately wanted. He laid on my floor, motionless, as if to say, “Is this over yet? Because I’ve had enough. My eyes bulged out of my head, my mouth was wide open, and my rosacea-like cheeks turned a new shade of pink. I opened my palm, slapped it against my forehead, and said “He is just really submissive.” Face palm. Foot in mouth. FML.

The potential adopter and I exchanged awkward pleasantries along the lines of sorry for wasting your time and I’ll let you know if a dog comes along that is a little more outgoing. Heath needs to work on his socialization skills, which requires a lot of time. There was unfortunately no connection between Heath and the potential adopter. There was, however, me, the foster parent, running around like an idiot trying to get Heath to be someone he is not…

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I talked to Jason (who wasn’t home to witness the playing dead drama), my mom, sister, and people from the rescue who couldn’t believe that it happened. They laughed, said “Oh no!,” and gave me some helpful advice.

I laugh, because I think of the everyday situations in which I wish I could play dead like Heath. I would just lay on my back with my legs and arms in the air, close my eyes and be like “F this shit, I’m done.” I thought it was funny and sad, all at the same time. Funny because that was his time to shine! I gave him a pep talk! We discussed this! And, what does he do? Play possum. It’s sad because God only knows what has happened to him to have him shut down and play dead. I feel like my life has so many of those funny-sad moments. I could relate to Heath, the days that I just stay in bed and mutter to myself “Nothing can happen to me here.” I think if I played dead in the middle of the rehab gym or in the middle of Jason talking to me, it wouldn’t be socially acceptable as I am not a canine, but it would make for a very interesting story.

Doors open and close each day in our lives. Heath decided to play dead when an opportunity was wide open for him to be adopted into a forever home. But I think Heath playing dead had a bigger meaning. He’s content here, he’s slowly becoming more comfortable, and maybe, he knew he is just not ready to leave.

20161223_211714Heath will find a home. He will find a person or family that will understand him and his quirks, that will accept his shyness and love for his hiding spots. Heath is an amazing little fellow. He observes from afar, licks your hand, takes treats nicely, and isn’t afraid to be himself. He perks up when he sees me take out a leash and enjoys his kibble with chicken and cheese.

When life gets tough, don’t be afraid to play dead.  The right door will open when you least expect it and in the interim, you’ll have the opportunity to work on your quirks.

You got this, Heath. I’m with you every step of the way.

Namaste.

Color Vibe

 

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When I was interning as an occupational therapy student in TBI (traumatic brain injury), I had an extremely difficult client who wouldn’t engage in conversation, never mind participate in any of the activities I presented to him. He became increasingly agitated and would smack himself, pound his fists on the table, and shout obscenities at me, disturbing the other therapists and clients. In school, they don’t teach you how to handle these types of situations. Your CI (Clinical Instructor) wants you to think on your feet and watch you adapt to a plethora of uncomfortable, unpredictable situations. They want to see how you keep control of your patient and the dilemma, and observe how you handle stress and aggravation. Fortunately, in this situation, my childhood hobby came into handy.

I knew my client liked Star Wars, so I printed out a few coloring sheets on the computer. I walked over to him, placed a coloring sheet and a box of crayons on the table in front of him, and sat down a few feet away. He looked at me and screamed, “I AIN’T DOIN’ THAT, STUPID!” I defeatedly replied, “Okay.”, and I started coloring my own sheet. After a few minutes, I saw him reach for a crayon. He colored the entire sheet, quietly, without outbursts. Everyone in the room was shocked. I remember one therapist gave me a thumbs up.  I finally got him to engage in a task and act appropriately for thirty minutes. When he finished with the first sheet, he asked me if I had any others. Mission accomplished.

Now, as an occupational therapist, I keep a few coloring books on hand in the therapy gym. I have learned more about my clients when they are coloring and having a bad day than I have trying to get them to do other activities of daily living (ADLs are the basis of OT including dressing, toileting, grooming, hygiene, bed mobility, medication, and home management). Sometimes, as they are coloring, I can get to the bottom of why my client is feeling a certain way, and what may be causing them to have a bad stint in the gym. Life, as we all know, certainly does happen, and sometimes we need to do something relaxing before we jump into more difficult tasks.

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If you don’t already know, coloring has numerous therapeutic benefits. When my anxiety creeps up, I whip out this small coloring book, 12 Crayola twistable colored pencils, pour myself a nice big cup of coffee, and start coloring. Coloring calms me down, helps me to de-stress, unwind, and unplug. It’s tactile, and I get to choose my color and sheet, which gives me control. I am happy when my page is finished. I don’t stress if I color outside the lines. I could care less if I doodle in the background. Sometimes, I use one or two colors and sometimes I use all twelve. It is creative, quiet, and fun.

As silly as it may sound, coloring is my coping mechanism and a great way for me to self-soothe. It is cheaper than therapy, healthier than a glass of wine, and allows me to retreat to my own personal paradise.

After all, broken crayons still color.

Namaste.

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